He got his name because I had a cousin named Chance. His father was a jockey and one night coming home from practice he lost control of the vehicle and slid under a semi. Killing Chance instantly. In memory of him I claimed the next foal born. And thus the second Chance was born. The thing is, I lived in Virginia at the time so I could not take care of him. So he was pretty wild at 5 years old. When we (my mother and I) moved to Ohio I finally got to train him. I had him rideable pretty quickly. Which was surprising because I think he was beat by one of the stable hands. So he was always pretty skittish. But I moved back to Virginia about a year ago and he is back to being unrideable. My grandmother's horse farm is going under so she decided to sell the horses. (horses still for sale as of 11/10/13 contact Carolyn Stroombeek 440-983-4213) She asked me if I wanted to sell Chance. I balked at first but realized with some help from my sister-
From left to right
Amanda(sister) Carolyn Stroombeek (Grandmother)
that I can not take care of him. Not from this distance. So no matter how much I love him he deserves a good home. Well the auctioneer had a friend that he told about Chance. He is interested. Of course I am going to check out his farm and do a background check on him but it looks promising.
Which brings me to my second point. Because of all this I realized that every day we have is TRULY a gift. And that is not to be taken lightly. Because of my past I carry around a lot of baggage. (I'll post about this later) but I finally REALLY REALIZED that self-loathing and hatred for other people is not living life to its fullest. So I am going into my past and resolving issues there. So I can move forward.
Which brings me to my third point. I contacted an ex. (Name has been changed to insure anonymity) (we will call him X). I told X that I was sorry. You see when we broke up I was so ashamed and defeated that I wouldn't even make eye contact with him in the halls of school. I waited almost a month for a reply. All he asked was "for?" my reply? "For being the biggest ass hat that ever lived". Well we started talking. I asked a lot of questions. Why did HE think it ended. When was the beginning of the end. We talked about what I learned from the relationship. The lesson of patience. To be a grateful giver AND receiver. Don't push. Stop seeing myself as the enemy. Try to be what others think they see in you (good). Sometimes it is okay to give up. It is okay to love. And to hurt. I learned to separate fact and fiction in ideals. I learned that some of my standards for guys are unrealistic. I learned that pain is okay. Not to seek solace in a relationship after coming out of one. I am too hard on myself. I don't have to prove myself to anybody. It is okay to fight. Not to project my insecurities. relationships aren't easy. Above all I learned that whenever you have something good. So amazingly good. Don't let go. If you do you will never find it again. He told me I had changed. Which made me think. Yeah I have. And for the better too. So out of failed relationships really do come good things. He asked me "Do you miss me? Do you miss us?" I told him it was a dangerous question but that yes I did. And he told me he missed me too. Idk. Am I fooling myself? I want to fix my past not repeat mistakes.
On another note. I picked smoking back up again. Yes I know it is bad and whatever but I smoke MAYBE a pack every 3 months so eh. It helps me deal with the stress. Anyways I promised a longer post. So here it was.
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